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The current year marks a ten-year milestone since the term “vanishing” hit the public consciousness. At the time, the notion that someone could instantly end communication with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the pinnacle of rudeness. How naive we were. In the ten-year span since, navigating toward a significant other has only become more perplexing – an oftentimes pointless pursuit in awkwardness that is increasingly defined by social media jargon.

Zoomers, a demographic who grew up during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity reckoning, and a coordinated assault on the rights of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier environment than their millennial elders could ever fathom. And so their dating lexicon has grown more elaborate and more unhinged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” pushing the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a comprehensive glossary to the phrases gen Z is using to talk about love, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the recent most popular memes, by the end of this glossary you’ll ache to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Genuineness – In the view of gen Z, romance's gold standard is presenting as your real, raw self. Good luck with that!

B

Avian theory – A online phenomenon inspired by a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and pay attention to whether your date's response is interested or disinterested. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while oozing enigma and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

C

Seat theory – This signifies going for someone who supports you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would fetch a chair for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A outing where two people bond while running errands, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped young adults do budget-friendly romance in a inflation-era world.

Emotional spiral – Melting down when you feel burdened by life. You can spiral over a crush or breakup, venting all of your unreciprocated feelings.

D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a signifier of 1980s yuppie affluence, it refers to pairs who forgo parenthood to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of playing it cool: embracing dialogue, transparency and openness.

F

Flags

• Warning signs – Behavioral traits indicating a prospective partner is trouble. Such as calling their exes crazy, bad tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Good indicators – These quirks validate your choice to date a mate. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, low phone use, having a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These usually describe niche, largely harmless idiosyncrasies. For instance being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their purse, paying rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who loathes the same stuff or people that you do (nothing creates closeness faster than having a common enemy).

The Letter G

Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy listens to.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of disappearing.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and devoted. The uncommon partner who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, deliberately delaying orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An ideal promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no goals of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and frequently trivial repulsions that instantly kill any sense of interest.

“He would if he cared" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an incredibly sweet gesture.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal partner: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in sectors they see as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the era of kissing may be numbered since some gen Z prefer fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy realistic.

Kittenfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {